Press Pause To Respond

Do you react or respond? Being in reaction mode causes you to lead with emotions that may be defensive or powerless. Responses are thoughtful answers that align with your goals. If we spend 90% of our lives in reaction mode, these reactions can harm your workplace. In my new workshop, Reset to Respond- Tune-Up Your Emotional Intelligence, the workshop's goal is to dial up self-awareness to press the pause button while in reaction mode and consciously switch to a response. I use the Energy Leadership Index (ELI) assessment to create awareness, including two bar graphs representing attitudes without stress and the second graph illustrating their stress reaction. 

There are seven different levels of leadership within the graph, and let's take a closer look at them in a real-life example. Jordan is the mid-level manager at a medium-size tech company and leads a five-person team of engineers. Jordan and Tracy have been working together in 1:1 leadership coaching and received feedback about one of her team members, William.

His performance has been unusually abrasive and argumentative. In Jordan's 1:1 with William, she has decided to provide feedback and is choosing to listen to understand. Before Jordan's meeting, she used her coaching session with Tracy to talk through the conversation because, in the past, William became defensive. While Jordan can not control how William will receive feedback, she can undoubtedly coach him to use the opportunity for personal and professional growth. 

To bring the seven levels of leadership to life, here are ways that Jordans has identified in which William may react to her observations and identifies how she may respond. 

Level 1

William may say, "The team doesn't like my ideas, and I'm not sure I'm adding value. I just can't seem to do anything right." At level one, William may take Jordan's feedback personally, feel powerless, and become discouraged. Jordan can ask questions to understand his point and see if there is an opportunity to view the situation differently.

Level 2

William may say, "John from the team doesn't pull his weight, so I have to do it all." At this level, William blames a team member and does not take responsibility for his behavior. Jordan could encourage him to take responsibility for his role and his ability influence. 

Level 3

William could say, "I've been pretty stressed out about getting everything done on time, and I think it's affecting my mood. I'm agitated, and the others are not cooperative." At level three, William takes responsibility for his actions but still wants to win the conversation. Jordan may encourage William to extend the "olive branch" and show empathy to his team members. 

Level 4

Wiliam could say, "Thank you for your concern Jordan, I am very grateful for your feedback." At level four, William is reacting with concern and compassion to fulfill Jordan's desire to understand. Jordan could encourage him to find the opportunity to grow from this experience.

Level 5

William could say, "I heard what you said and understand where you're coming from, Jordan. How can I use this feedback you gave me to become a better team member and get back on track?" William does not take Jordan's feedback personally, but he can see the opportunity for both he and Jordan to learn something. Jordan encourage William to take a view point that we all win or don’t play.

Level 6

Wiliam could say, "Thank you Jordan, this evaluation is an opportunity for me to self-reflect and grow from this experience, so we all can be better in the future." At level six, William understands that problems don't exist; they only present growth opportunities. 

Level 7

William could say, "We are on the same team Jordan, and there's no such thing as problems, solutions, winning, or losing, only experiences." At level seven, William believes that there is no conflict between him and Jordan. He has no judgment about this situation and believes that they can work together to create more opportunities in the workplace. 

The ELI helps my clients to truly understand their own beliefs and respond to others in a new way. Having emotional intelligence in the workplace is essential because it helps team members to feel seen, heard, and understood. Jordan can recognize lower levels of leadership and inspire William to become a more motivating leader. 

In my upcoming Reset to Respond workshop on September 13th from 11:30-1:30 PT, participants will debrief their individual ELI reports and craft responses they can use in the future. In this workshop, you will take a one-of-a-kind The Energy Leadership™ Index (ELI) assessment that enables leaders to hold up mirrors to their perceptions, attitudes, behaviors, and overall leadership capabilities. It is the only assessment of its kind and has a complete, clear, customized coaching program associated with it. This workshop is available for you and your team for $199 per person, and registration closes on August 30th.