Learn To Take Nothing Personally - Let’s Flip The Switch
A good friend of mine recently told me that she wants thicker skin because at times, she takes comments from others personally. She’s sensitive and wears her heart on her sleeve and that is what I love about her. So this got me thinking… If she developed thicker skin, what could be the benefit? I picture just more layers for more emotions and reactions to get stuck in. However, another idea is shifting her mindset to no longer take things personally. With that, the benefits seem endless!
One of my favorite books, called The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz, discusses ancient Mesoamerican wisdom. It uncovers, “system of beliefs about the workings of the world and the humans that populate it.” One of the four agreements that he discusses is that you don’t need to take things personally if you have a strong sense of self. Nothing people do to you is about you. It’s about them.
So when I discussed this idea with my friend, it offered another viewpoint on her reaction to the said comment. We talked about what it would look like if the comment has everything to do with the other person. We also discussed, her time and energy. What if she were able to use the time and energy we spent ruminating, on more productive areas in your life.
Let’s flip the switch.
Become conscious of your triggers. What hurts your feelings? Why? When? Taking the Energy Leadership Index Assessment uncovers your triggers and working with me can be helpful to really understand this on a deeper level.
When you notice that your are ruminating about someone’s comment or remark, say STOP. Then ask yourself… How can I not take this personally? The comment that ruffled your feathers is really about the other person and their history. It’s an opportunity to practice compassion and understanding for the other person. If the comment is a reflection on them, it was not actually about you at all.
How can you move on so that you spend your time moving forward and not looking back?
I used the word “practice” throughout this blog intentionally. When my daughter “practices” piano, it’s a series of getting it right, failing, learning, trying again, and so on. I’m practicing Ruiz’s agreement on a daily basis and some moments I get it right and others I don’t. And that is ok, because I’m practicing. My expectation for myself is to have the ebb and flow of success. This year, my intention is to practice this skill so that it becomes seamless in my thought pattern.
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